i uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhbhhhhhhhhh

lakevida:

mylestoyne:

brandon sanderson fans

cheesecake factory menu

nsomniacsdream:

littlegraycats:

this is just objectively funny though

Great joke tho? Who complained?

vonkarn:

vonkarn:

kitten, stop fucking around and tell daddy where you hid his prozac or daddy’s gonna add another ‘hey there delilah’ to the sex playlist

why do you guys only like my bad posts

devilishdescent:

devilishdescent:

you sit down at the plastic table because your partner likes being outside at the bar even though it’s 90 degrees and 60% humidity at 10pm and you thought this corduroy dress was soooo cute but now youre all sweaty and so one of your balls has escaped your panties but youre wearing fishnets so your loose nut is now dying like a sea turtle in a six pack ring and youre the desperate diver trying to save it but blind and one handed and stone faced cause you can’t draw attention to the fact that youre doing a high stakes wildlife rescue on your stupid scrotum in public because it might turn into a six month news cycle and desantis might fly out to personally bulldoze the bar. and its a thursday

i dreamt this post got 19k notes overnight and everyone i knew had disowned me for for my cat 5 Sack Slip event

cosmicanger:

averyluckyclover:

take care of each other

averyluckyclover:

hardtimes:

y3ast:

Dreams show me the vilest concepts. This was few nights ago, and I can’t stop thinking about it

danganronpa

universeshards:

GETS ME EVERY TIME

withathorn:

ndiecity:

Having the hiccups is how it feels to be poisoned in a video game

-1

-1

-1

-1

-1

-1

king-of-fuffies:

duckdotcom:

guy who turns into a glass of milk when he gets angry and girl who turns into a plate of cookies when she’s upset having a bitter argument with each other next to the chimney on christmas eve at 11:59 pm

#2735641 original posts remain

dingdongyouarewrong:

dingdongyouarewrong:

they call me the bear because i make my girl whinny and poo

sorry..

capitalismkillz:

poppyseed-dogthing:

matrixonvhsanddvd:

I need to see a bitches arm vein while she chokes me, I need a death grip on my throat

He would not fucking say that